The birthday gift to myself
It’s officially been 10 years since I started Earl Grey and Bubble Tea. Nevermind that I barely posted these last couple of years. Somehow over these last few post covid years I lost myself. I won’t bother about going into the details but I fell off hard. Everything part of my perfectly organised life unravelled. I had to travel less to be with my cat and oversee apartment works. I stopped taking walks and exercising, I started skipping my Chinese and Danish lessons, flat out ghosted my bass lessons. What a mess. The point of no return was when I stopped writing daily to-do lists. The only thing that gave my life structure. I spent countless hours in bed sleeping and binge-watching Netflix. In fact the things that actually bring me joy didn’t seem to exist anymore. I felt embarrassed by my lack of discipline and stopped spending time with my friends. I am literally a hermit by trade now. I stay indoors and my cat is my bestie. But what’s changed? It’s another year around the sun. It’s my birthday! Which was preceded by a really quite eventful month that took me outside of the house for the first time in ages. And the sun was shining.
After moving apartments I was able to find time to get tickets to go to the olympics, I saw a hockey game and I spent some time perusing my favourite cafes. It was pancake day and Chinese new year. I had a lot to look forward to. I think the first step to recovery was getting back to pilates. Honestly as soon as I left the studio I felt like a new person. Like I could stand up again. So I pledged that this year I should give myself a birthday present. This year I can’t travel as I normally do, so I decided to think a bit more abstract. I bought myself a new coat and a new jumper that I had been eyeing up for a few months but what else?
I thought long and hard and I’ve decided the gift I’ll give myself this year is my voice. One day I woke up and I realised that I don’t even do the things that bring me joy. What happened to my love of dance or writing, or even film. Don’t I love karaoke and wine and archery? Why am I at home all the time? The first step is to write. I think everything in my life begins and ends with picking up a pen. It’s what got me out of the house when I first moved to South Korea and I started this very blog 10 years ago. It gave me a reason to visit exhibitions, try new restaurants and romanticise my life. So consider this my full circle moment. I've decided to rediscover my voice and share it.
